Thursday, 28 January 2016

The days when I can't walk


Whoever said 'no pain, no gain' obviously never had chronic pain.

Thought this week there have been many days where I cannot bend my legs and some day I cannot even walk. I have suffered my whole life with eczema yet it still hurts me just the same, it still upsets me every day. I dream of being able to just walk, without being in pain without wondering if people can see me limping or wondering if I look stupid when trying to get up stairs. The fact is it may not cross others minds, it may, but it may not, however it crosses my mind almost every moment of everyday.

Being able to walk pain free is a blessing. Being able to walk without showing the pain is a skill.

The thing about being in pain 24/7 is the amount it takes out of you. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally. It literally drags you down more and more, the worst thing about it is, it's never going to go away...

The sad reality is, if I woke up in the morning and nothing hurt I would actually think I was dead! I'm not even joking!

When my skin flares up it feels like I have ripped out all of my skin. It feels like I have clawed out all of my skin. It feels like I am on fire and it's sad.

There is a quote which says:

Do not judge a girl on what you can see,
She may be fighting cancer,
Or an incurable disease,
She could be a girl in chronic pain.
She comes in many forms.
She is breathing, but she is hurting.
She may look young,
But she feels decades older.
She smiles, but her heart sobs.
She walks, she talks, she cooks
She cleans, she works, when she can,
And sometimes when she hurts.
She IS, but she IS NOT all at once.
She is here, but part of her is missing.
She fights a battle that you will need see.
But if you can take a moment
To look beyond the smile,
You might see that the girl is me.

Scarlett x

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