Thursday, 4 February 2016

I walked out in front of a car

There was an eerie sound at the time. Almost like there was a voice screaming out through the wind. A voice that I could not quite hear. Was it telling me to stop, or to continue? Or was it even there at all? I walked up to the top of the bridge. I knew that I was ready. I stood there and looked at the surroundings. How would I do it? I knew I didn't want to go into the canal as I hated water and it was not a very precise method. I knew I couldn't jump because the ground was too close and it would just leave me with broken legs. So I did the only option left. I walked up the the kerb. I remember that it went silent at that moment. Into the middle of the road I walked. All the time thinking don't worry, you will be okay soon. I saw a car come around the corner and I knew that if I walked now it would hit me. So I walked.

It didn't even hurt when it hit me. I just fell onto the floor. My eyes began to close and I smiled as I knew I had done it. But as you can tell I had not done it. I was not dead. I was not hit. My eyes opened again and I looked around. The car was next to me, it had swerved into the over lane. I was still there standing. I started crying and I just ran of along the road.

Suicide isn't a laughing matter.

It is real and it is haunting me. Please don't make jokes out of mental health because the pain it brings to a persons life is horrible.

As soon as I was walking home I regretted it. Think it through before you do it. If that car hadn't swerved I wouldn't be here. If you are suicidal then just tell yourself, I will wait until tomorrow. Or do I really want this? What are the positives and the negatives?

Stay strong, I know that's hard to say and even harder to do, but please try.

Scarlett x

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