I don't know if I have ever mentioned this on here but I have the worst possible form of eczema. Many people mistake eczema for just being dry skin, maybe that's what its like if you have a mild version, but that is not what its like for me. For me it is horrific pain nearly 24/ 7, some days I cannot write properly because of it and others I am unable to walk.
Eczema is an incurable illness and I have had it since the very day I was born. It has caused me to hate my body as I know that I can never, ever look nice. It makes me wonder whether I will find a partner who truly loves me and who doesn't find my skin disgusting as I cant even bear the sight of my own skin. It has made me think whether I want to have children of my own as I do not want them to have to go through the pain which I feel every single day. I don't want them to have to wear tights in summer and to feel so self conscious about themselves. I don't want them to wake up every morning and go to sleep every night wishing that they were 'normal'. I don't want to have to hold them when they are screaming out in pain, I don't want to have their body constantly infected. I don't want them to have to crawl around the house because they cannot walk. I just don't want my children, or my even my worst enemy, to have to deal with eczema.
Summer is my least favourite time of year as that is the time my eczema upsets me the most. All around I see people in bikini's, dresses, shorts, t-shirts yet I have to stay wearing jeans and a hoodie. Even in my own house I am scared to uncover my skin. I hate my eczema, and I hate myself.
I just want to wake up and not be in pain. I want to be able to wear shorts in the summer, I want to be able to go swimming in the sea, I want to be able to wear pretty dresses, I want to be able to bend my legs, I want to be able to have bear arms. I want to be able to look down at my skin and smile.
I want to be normal.