I Have Eczema.

Hi,

I don't know if I have ever mentioned this on here but I have the worst possible form of eczema. Many people mistake eczema for just being dry skin, maybe that's what its like if you have a mild version, but that is not what its like for me. For me it is horrific pain nearly 24/ 7, some days I cannot write properly because of it and others I am unable to walk.

Eczema is an incurable illness and I have had it since the very day I was born. It has caused me to hate my body as I know that I can never, ever look nice. It makes me wonder whether I will find a partner who truly loves me and who doesn't find my skin disgusting as I cant even bear the sight of my own skin. It has made me think whether I want to have children of my own as I do not want them to have to go through the pain which I feel every single day. I don't want them to have to wear tights in summer and to feel so self conscious about themselves. I don't want them to wake up every morning and go to sleep every night wishing that they were 'normal'. I don't want to have to hold them when they are screaming out in pain, I don't want to have their body constantly infected. I don't want them to have to crawl around the house because they cannot walk. I just don't want my children, or my even my worst enemy, to have to deal with eczema.

Summer is my least favourite time of year as that is the time my eczema upsets me the most. All around I see people in bikini's, dresses, shorts, t-shirts yet I have to stay wearing jeans and a hoodie. Even in my own house I am scared to uncover my skin. I hate my eczema, and I hate myself.

I just want to wake up and not be in pain. I want to be able to wear shorts in the summer, I want to be able to go swimming in the sea, I want to be able to wear pretty dresses, I want to be able to bend my legs, I want to be able to have bear arms. I want to be able to look down at my skin and smile.

I want to be normal.

Scarlett x

I dont understand my feelings

Hey,

The first time i started to reach out about my feelings I had 'mind, body, spirit' sessions with this man named John. In those sessions we would do yoga and exercise. I hated it. It wasnt the exercise I hated, it was John. He made me feel so uncomfortable.

Anyway John used to always tell us to fake our feelings: to fake that we were confident, to fake that we were happy as at one point we will not be faking ot anymore, we will truely feel that way. I have followed his advice, even to this day. However it does not work.

Every single day I will wake up and not want to get out of bed. Not for the reason most other people do, because they are tired or they are warm, I feel like I cannot leave. It is like there is a weight on my chest pushing down on me, a constant feeling of tears but yet I force myself out. I get up and i make my way through my world which seems constantly dull and in the darkness. I have to pretend I am happy. But who am I pretending for? Not me. I will fake a smile and push away my sadness, righr until the evening when i am emotionally exhausted. I cannot push it away anymore. I just lie, almost motionless. I close my lifeless eyes. I dont feel anymore. Every single time i push my feelings away they get stronger and stronger.

I am scared.

I have been here before.

I know how that ended. I know that the same result is approaching and it seems that I do not care. I am far from hurting. I am broken into a million pieces and those pieces are scattered around my body. Some of those pieces are lost. I am unfixable. Even if my pieces are glued back together, i will never be a whole. The cracks will still show and those pieces which are lost I will never get back. My scars may of began to fade but just because you cannot see them doesnt mean theyre not there. They are deep inside my body.

Scarlett x

Thinking about 2016

¡Hola! ¿Que tal?
Hello! How are you? (Now im singing Adele...)

Anyway as i am writing this 2016 is fast approaching and as you are reading this 2016 may be your present. So i could technically be talking to the future, freaky!

2016 is going to be a hard year for me. It will be the hardest year i will have ever had to experience so far in my life. In 2016 i will be having college interviews, i will recieve my results for my second set of mock exams. I will be taking my final set of mock exams. I will have my 16th birthday. I will be spending endless hours revising. I will be saying goodbye to my friends, my foes, my teachers, my school. I will have my last day at my school. I will leave and go on study leave. I will come in to do my exams. I will have my last exam. I will go to prom. I will have my leavers assembly where everyone dresses in fancy dress. I will get my exam results. I will walk out of my school for the last time. I will start college. I will make new friends.

2016, Please be a good one.

Love,
Scarlett x

Turning myself into Ariel - Get the look

Hey guys,

So when I was younger the little mermaid was my favourite Disney film, I knew all the words to the songs and I used to watch it over and over again. Last night I was just getting into bed when I started getting all these ideas of Disney get the looks I could do. The first one I went towards was Ariel. I started brainstorming ideas and then this morning I turned myself into Ariel.

I will be putting pictures of the products onto my Pinterest account so hop on over there if you want to be able to see what I look like/ what I am using.

How I made myself look like Ariel

1. First you want to start of with your usual base makeup. I do not wear foundation but if you want to include it that's completely up to you. To cover up minor imperfections such as small spots and any redness I used the 'liquid concealer from Miss Sporty' in the colour 5048, basically just the lightest colour they do. This concealer isn't very good to be honest and it doesn't have much coverage however it is good to hide small blemishes. For the larger imperfections, under my eyes or any other areas which need a lot of coverage I am using the 'collection lasting perfection ultimate wear concealer' in the colour 1/ fair. This concealer is amazing and well worth the money. Then to set it all in place I used my 'Collection pressed powder' in 18- Ivory which does set my makeup but to be honest I don't know what it does, it reduces shine a bit. This is the only powder I have ever had however this is great for beginners/ minimal makeup.                                     
2. For contour I firstly used the 'W7 coverstick' in light/ medium in the hollows of my cheeks. I blended it out and then placed my 'colourworks bronzer' on top of it to define the shadows. To highlight my face I used my 'MUA hide & conceal' in fair as it is quite pale. I used this on top of my cheek bones, under my contour, on my brow bones, on my chin, my nose my forehead and on my cupids bow. I paired this with some white eyeshadow to create a Kim k look as Disney characters highlights aren't shiny.
3. Then I filled in my eyebrows as usual but focusing on the arch to make it more defined. I use the 'beauty UK eyebrow pencil' but I'm not sure what colour it is as I've sharpened it down but I think mine will be dark brown.
4. Then I went on to eyeshadow. I covered my lid with white eyeshadow, then added a green shade over about 3/4 of the lid. In my crease I added a plum colour and then blended it in. On top of that I mixed in some purple eyeliner to make it darker. Finally I smudged purple eyeliner on my lower lash line. I don't know what eyeshadows I used as they were from box sets but I will leave some similar links below.
5. Then I lined my eye with my 'Soap & Glory Supercat eyeliner' in the colour jet back. I used this to give my eye a cat flick.
6. For mascara I applied the 'essence get big lashes volume boost mascara' lightly onto my lashes, then I added the 'essence I love extreme volume mascara waterproof' on the top. These mascara's are really good and they are so affordable.
7. Lastly for my lips I used a MUA lipstick in a red colour which I think is shade 13.

So that's how I made myself Ariel from the little mermaid. I hope you enjoyed and thank you for reading,

Scarlett x

Links

Similar to my Miss sporty concealer: http://www.superdrug.com/Make-Up/Face/Concealer/Miss-Sporty---Perfect-Stay-Liquid-Concealer-Light/p/544700#.Vkj5zjFOfIU
Collection lasting perfection concealer: http://www.superdrug.com/Make-Up/Face/Concealer/Collection-Lasting-Perfection-Concealer-Fair-1/p/439400
Collection pressed powder: http://www.superdrug.com/Collection/Collection-Pressed-Powder-17g-Ivory-18/p/236993#.Vkj7xDFOfIU
MUA hide & conceal: http://www.superdrug.com/Make-Up/Face/Concealer/MUA-Hide-and-Conceal-Concealer-Fair/p/590854#.Vkj_pjFOfIU
Green and blue eyeshadow (Maybelline Diamond Quad Glow Forrest Drama): http://www.superdrug.com/Maybelline/Maybelline-Diamond-Quad-Glow-Forrest-Drama/p/587455#.VkpLajFOfIU
Barry M purple eyeliner: http://www.superdrug.com/Barry-M/Barry-M-Bold-Waterproof-Eyeliner-Purple/p/421452#.VkpMKjFOfIU