I want to give up

Hola,

I want to give up on my life, that's just the way it is now. That's normal to me. I'm fed up of having fake shifts where I am a tiny bit more positive and I think I have recovered. I'm not going to recover but I can't get my mind around the fact that I never will be the same as I was before. This isn't something I can just take pills for and it will all be better. I'm fed up of wishing I was strong enough to cry and thinking why didn't I just kill myself. I'm fed up of being sad, I'm fed up of feeling empty and most of all I'm fed up of my life.

You know what I have gave up on, trying. I'm sick of trying and then being told I haven't tried hard enough, of revising for hours and being told I didn't prepare enough, of trying to make a good piece of work to be told that I haven't worked hard enough. I guess I just wish people would stop expecting me to achieve highly when they don't know how hard it is to give 100% when you are depressed. I don't like other people setting me targets not anymore, it's too much pressure. One of the things I hate the most is that I feel so bad for not getting the targets that others set for me as I think they are disappointed and judging me that I don't feel happy when I do well.

I want to type more but I'm not going to because I'm fed up of hiding this so I'm going to talk to my parents. This was meant to have some positivity and quotes but I cant type anymore, I need to get this done. Wish me luck, I'm going to try

Scarlett x