Tuesday, 17 March 2015

The butterfly project- Being normal


There's a difference between being  a normal person and being a normal human being.

When you are a normal person you are the way society wants to be. This usually means you follow the stereotypes of that generation, you are friends with the 'right' people, good looking and everything that the beloved, popular people expect you to be. So if you are anything out of their expectations you are not normal. But most of us peasants (as the seem to think we are) don't really care if we are this type of normal after a while as normal is just a word made up by society.

But then their is being classed as a normal human being. This can sometimes be when you are the way that the majority of people are but usually it is not having any impurities. But if this is true then there are only a small minority of people who are actually normal human beings yet people try to hide the things that make them different as they are scared to be mocked or bullied for it. If you have an enemy or say you're just not that popular at school people will try to pick on you for your impurities and that's just life I'm afraid. I'm not saying that it doesn't hurt but they will keep doing it as long as you show that it hurts your feelings, believe me I'm not just saying that, I know.

I understand this feeling as I have been told many times that I am not a normal human being or as I am more commonly referred to a disease. It does hurt knowing that something you were born with, that you suffer the pain of 24/7 is something others like to take the mic out of.

For me I have been through times where I have thought of self-harm and suicide because of the way I am (even though I have never tried either). Whenever I have my arms uncovered or my legs I feel like everyone is judging me, I feel like they are all talking about me and I honestly loose the will to do anything that will attract attention to myself. Even walking past someone talking is extremely hard. I did learn to live with the words and they did reduce but even now I'm would rather be too hot then take of my cardigan or wear shorts. I do wish I was different and a lot of the time I think  'I'm sick of being me' so I have started the butterfly project you may of heard of it.

I know you may not think this will make a difference but neither did I until the other day when I had the horrid thoughts again and I thought draw don't cut. So I took a pen (I used tattoo pens from poundland) and I drew a butterfly on my wrist. However it didn't stop there. I didn't just draw a butterfly I drew anything that I imagined to do and then every time I saw my wrist it made me smile and I was proud of myself. Now I wear the words 'stay strong' on my wrists so every time I feel like giving up I have some help to keep carrying on.

You are not alone in this world. No matter how many times you feel ignored or lost you will always have one person to talk to. If you don't feel comfortable talking about this stuff to your friends (it's okay, I don't either!) then try to find someone at your school, collage etc. If you don't trust anyone their then contact an agony aunt online. If you still aren't comfortable with it write down your emotions whenever you feel down so one day when you feel confident enough to tell someone you can.

I've wanted to talk about this for a long time so thank you for reading.

Love, Scarlett x


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