Lately I've been getting emotional, a lot. I don't know whether it's to do with hormones or the fact that I'm just not doing the things that make me smile anymore. I may seem sensitive but yet many times I have been told that I'm strong, which I guess I am.
When you have been able to hold up so much hurt inside I think that makes you strong. When you have to go through every single day hiding your emotions from everyone and anyone. When you are able to smile when really inside your crying. That is when you are strong.
I know that I'm sensitive, so many things hurt my feelings, just somebody looking at me can knock my self esteem, but yet I have been told that I am strong.
To me, strength means to bounce back emotionally when the emotions don't deserve your attention anymore, to take care of loved ones at your own expense, to fight against laziness and weakness, to endure enormous emotional or physical pain.
Everyone is different in the way they hold on to their emotions. Some people (like me) hold them up inside and when it gets really tough they still cant cry, no matter how much they want to, it's like you are unable to shed tears from your mental pain. Others will cry at a single bit of emotional pain to get it out of the way and to get rid of the ache of hurt inside.
Sometimes I wish I could just cry. As the few times I have cried for mental/ emotional pain I have felt so much better after, as usually after I cry I sleep for a few hours and it seems like all the hurt has been washed away.
If you have read the book Paper Towns by John Green then you will know where I got this from.
When you hurt so much it feels like there is nothing left inside. It feels as if the strings holding you up, have all been broken.
It's hard holding on to emotions as it makes every single day a struggle. But you've got to keep focused on your life because if you spend too much time on one little thing like your emotions then your whole life will be lost.
Bye for now,
(P.S. I'm 15 in 2days (my birthday is the 5th March!))