Something I need to tell you...

It's the last day of June and before the end of the month I need to tell you guys something.

As this is the month of pride I wanted to tell you before this month ends. I am not particularly proud of my sexuality and in some ways I am sort of ashamed, but it is what it is and I want to tell you
that...
I am asexual.

I am not sure if I am just heteromantic (meaning I like people of opposite genders) or if I am biromantic (like people of both genders) but I know for sure I am asexual.

Being asexual does not mean that I don't date or that I don't want a relationship it means that I don't want sex. The thought of me having sex makes me feel physically sick. I am not sexually attracted to people. Genitalia freak me out! That's not just me being immature, I am 16 years old and I have been through so much. I know this is my sexuality and I feel like a freak for it.

I feel like I am broken and strange. They say a humans basic desire is to have sex yet I hate the idea of it. I want to die a virgin yet I feel like society will pressure me into having sex one day. Sex is seen as such a fashionable thing, it is in literally every TV show, so many films, we are taught about it at school. I am at an age where I can legally have sex. There are people I know who have already lost their virginity, imagine how that feels to me.

The world has progressed so much since the when I was born in 2000. In 2001 Same-sex marriage was legalized for the first time ever in the Netherlands.
If you look at the map the purple countries are the countries where same sex marriage is legal. It may have changed by now.

We have come such a long way as 15 years ago there was no countries where it was legal. However we still have such a long way to go.

I am so proud that I get to grow up in a generation where it is okay to be LGBTQ. More people can come out as gay as it is legally allowed, before you broke the law for being gay and you could be killed for it.

We cant stop here though, we still have such a long way to go. Light needs to be shone on the sexuality which are not known of. For a long time I didn't know why I was different, I didn't know of asexuality so I thought that I was just weird. The term LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) is widely used but what about the other sexuality. I thought the term LGBTQIA included everyone but I think the correct umbrella of sexuality terms is LQBTQIAPD. Yes that may seem like a lot but we need to respective of this as people class themselves as this and I think we need to know this. Honestly before I did some research before this I didn't know of anything other then LGBTQ+

The fact is me being asexual doesn't mean I don't love. Asexual love is love too. After all the horrible things which have happened to the LGBTQ+ community I think people need to be more educated on different sexualities. The people who attack and discriminate against the LGBTQ+ community think that we have done something wrong by our sexualities, but we don't chose our sexualities and at the end of the day love is love. We aren't hurting anyone and if anyone is sinning it's those who discriminate against the LGBTQ+ community as is most (if not all) religious discrimination is seen as wrong. You should not use your religion as an excuse. To take Christianity for example, they teach that it is wrong for a man to sleep with another man as it cannot lead to pregnancy. God has made us how we are and he loves everyone, God loves us whether we are gay, bisexual or heterosexual. God has put us on this planet because he thinks we are worthy enough. He wants us to live our lives in a good way, by being homophobic, for example, you are living your life wrong. He has put challenges on the Earth to allow you to become a better person. There are many religious people who are ally's of LGBT+ or who are a member of the LGBTQ+ community themselves. I am not saying you should go against your religion, I am just saying that you don't have to be homophobic, you can still be non judgemental and still love those who your religion may go against.

I'm sorry that this turned into a sort of rant thing, I just had so much I had been holding inside of me that I needed to get out. I didn't mean for any of this to sound rude or mean, I am completely supportive of everyone's views as long as they aren't hurting anyone else.

Please tell me your opinion as I would love to know what others think.

Also yes I am asexual and after writing this post I have become slightly more proud of myself

Love,
Scarlett x

Finishing my GCSEs

IM FINALLY BACK!!!

Two years of studying for GCSEs are done. The constant work, the lack of free time, the Procrastionation that allowed me to do 30 minutes of work in 8 hours and 8 hours of work in 30 minutes is finally over!

I'm free!

I'm writing this today as I am 5 days into my summer holidays. I am so glad I never have to go back. Yes I will miss school, for the most part of 4 years I actually liked the place. It was only the last year and the times when my depression was really bad that I hated it. I never missed a day of school. For those whole 5 years I went in every single day. No matter how ill I was, mentally or physically, I went in which I guess is the crappy part of anxiety (not all of its bad). I needed that time of because it got to the point where I would leave every single lesson in a day and go to the toilets and cry. It was hard but I'm proud to say that I came out the other end. I did it.

So I am back here on my blog after however long it has been and I can honestly say that I have missed this so much. I have missed writing whatever is on my mind and putting it out there for the whole world to see. Yes not that many people see it but the fact is I'm not afraid for light to be shone on people's problems.

I hated every minute of doing my GCSEs, I hated the dissapointment it bought upon myself and I hated how I had to put working before my health, even though I was extremely ill. Teachers always tell you these stories of people who have pushed themselves too far and have worn themselves dry or got ill, I never believed it, not until it happened to me.

After I have been through this myself all I have to say is you don't have to work every minute of every day. You don't have to feel guilty to have an hour of, a day of, you deserve it once in a while. Just don't give that as an excuse for all the time. You do need to work, but no more than 6 hours overall in a day, even that may be too much for some people. Don't do what I did and not rest until I had done 8 hours because you will get to the point where, like me, you can't even stand up anymore. All you need to do is try your best with the preparation you have done. Don't regret anything that has happened to you in the past. If you believe in something than you can achieve it, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

As for now all I have to say is the bitter sweet summer holidays have started early for us in year 11. For the first time in years we literally have nothing to do. But I'm not going to waste it. I want to draw, to paint, I want to meet up with my friends every single week and I want to make stupid videos. I want to make memories and take photos and I want to remember all the times I was happy, not the times I was sad.

Thanks for sticking with me through the tough times

Love,
Scarlett x