Being clean

Hey,

So where I'm from people say you are clean if you haven't self harmed. Its been 49 days since I last self harmed when I'm writing this so I guess you would say I'm 49 days clean. In my opinion that word doesn't sum up anything. Being "clean" is so, so hard and that word does not express in any way what it feels like and how much you accomplish every single day but not self harming. Every single day you fight that urge, and every day that number goes up is another day that you can say 'I did it'.

The word clean will never portray what it is really like. What it is like to go every day hiding scars or trying not to make new ones, but most of all hearing people say things like "The fact of the matter is I know you're enough. So please don't cut, please don't". I know they mean well  but to someone who is struggling to stay alive by being told something like that it can make that person feel so much worse, not only will they be sad but feel guilty. Just please be there for someone, even if you're not their friend a smile can make them feel so much better.

Basically I'm writing this in the hope that just one person can read this and help someone in the hope that they wont end up with me. Yes my scars are fading but I feel lost without them because once they start to fade the urge to bring them back becomes stronger and stronger. From every wound there is a scar, and every scar tells a story. I'm honestly glad to say that that story is that I survived.

Please reach out to someone in need and support them in whatever they are going through, just make one person smile because that smile could make a persons day.

Scarlett x