I was really sad and I didn't know what to do except come here, I didn't want to write a blog post moaning about it so instead I thought I would just tell you some of my favorites from this month. I haven't really got any photos to include in this post as I wasn't planning on posting this so I hope you don't mind me just listing it. By the way this post is sort of deep.
1. My pyjamas
The thing about depression and anxiety is it takes away every inch of self confidence you had about yourself. It makes you feel worthless and like you are unloveable. When I'm in my pjs I just feel safe. I mean I don't have enough motivation to get dressed if I am staying at home anyway. My pjs are just so soft and I feel like I'm being hugged. I know that's sad but I don't have anyone to nurture me and care for me when I'm down, so sometimes it's nice to feel like I'm being held and that I'm not alone. On top of that it makes me feel invisible and I guess its nice pretending not to exist. My dressing gown is a light pink dressing gown from top shop which has bear ears on. How amazing is that!
2. Hand Cream, Nail varnish and Makeup
The fact of the matter is: I hate myself. I think every inch of my body is ugly. These three different products I have put under the same category as they all make me feel like less of an eyesore. Hand cream (especially the Body Shop pink grapefruit one) makes my eczema covered dry hands feel so much nicer. Nail varnish makes me feel as though not every inch of me is ugly. Last of all makeup. It does what it does for most people who wears it: makes them feel more confident. My favorite makeup products of this month are carmex lip balm, Benefit they're real mascara and collection lasting perfection concealer. Thats basically all I wear. I don't have a favorite nail varnish but my favorite brand of nail varnish is Barry M, they're really affordable and good quality
3. Baymax
If you know anything about me you will know that I love Disney. Baymax from big hero 6 is my favorite Disney character. He just makes me so happy! After my exams are over I am buying myself a large Baymax plushie from the Disney store. Until then I will just make do with my small Baymax plushie, a figurine of Baymax and the DVD. I really like Baymax don't judge me!
4. Bandanas
Whist tidying my room I came across my old bandana collection and its amazing! I have four different colours: one bright pink, one light blue, one white and one dark purple. They are so useful as you can just put them on your head to keep your hair out of the way. Also they are tumblr and hipster as fuck!
5. Music, YouTube and Netflix
Okay I know this is really vague as this is a favorite from every month but hold on to your horses, let me explain! My mental health has been declining for a while as I isolated myself and cut of my support groups. When I was down I would listen to music or watch something and for that little moment everything was okay. Even if it was just one minute where Zoe made me laugh in one of her vlogs that's still one minute that I forgot my problems. My favorite music this month has been Justin Beiber's purpose, Ed Sheeran and 5 seconds of summer: sounds good feels good. My YouTube favorites have been MoreZoella, PointlessBlogVlogs and Grace Helbig. Last of all my Netflix favorite has been RuPaul's drag race.
I'm not counting this as one of my five but my blog has been one of my favorites. I've went through a lot over the time I've wrote this blog. I have aged two years from 14 to 16 all whilst writing this blog. This has been the place I could write down my shitty thoughts and put together posts which make me smile. It has been my distraction and my lifesaver. I am proud to say that for the first month in three years I have not tried to kill myself. If that isn't an achievement then I don't know what is.
Love,
Scarlett x
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